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We Three Kings, A Modern Fable

20 November 2008

three-kings-greeting-cardActually there were four kings in this story, but nobody characterizes it that way, so neither did I.

Whether you believe the historical accuracy of the story of the Three Kings who made their way to see the birth of the Christ Child or not, the story still lends itself to the idiocy that proceeded to Capital Hill yesterday.  Just like the Three Kings of New Testament fame, the Three Kings of Detroit heard there was something they had been seeking and waiting for in a faraway place.  Not Bethlehem this time, but Washington, D.C.  Not being able to find their camels, the three potentates of Detroit jumped aboard their lavish, private corporate jets, and at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars each, flew off in search of their own version of the savior – in modern American terms: money.

king-georgeNow, at the other end of the story was the evil king, King Herod, who was unpopular at home and insecure as he saw the end of his time at hand.  We’ll cast President George W. Bush in this role, an unpopular president at an unprecedented level, who sees his time in the sun coming to an end.  The cast having been assembled and the stage now set, it is time for the drama to unfold.

AP Photo/Evan Vucci

Big 3 CEOs Mulally, Nardelli and Wagoner, AP Photo/Evan Vucci

Now, since this is a modern-day tale, a few things are a bit different than the unquestioned account found in the unquestioned sacred text, but stay with me, because it’s headed down the same old road.  The Three Kings of Detroit show up in Washington (Bethlehem) overdressed and overconfident that they are on some holy pilgrimage.  Unfortunately, they have let their mission statement slip to the evil king who realizes he must stop it.  Why would the evil, dying king want to do such a thing?  He didn’t want to be forgotten by history and blamed for the big mess that was going on in his country.  So he needed a scapegoat, a sacrifice.  He chose to massacre the innocent children by blaming them for the entire thing.


UAW on strike

Now, who are these innocent children, you ask?  The UAW will play the role of innocent children in my little drama.  The evil king and his spokespersons say, “If it weren’t for those darn hungry children demanding enough food on the table to feed themselves, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”  Thanks to a New York-centric media, the propaganda is spread against those evil blue-collar workers.  Never mind that the New York neighbors of the media, who make a great deal more working in Wall Street banks just received an early Christmas present at the cost of $700 billion.  That was good; the Detroit deal is bad, they scream.

So the stage being set for the evil king to get his way, he sends his henchmen/soldiers – let’s cast Republican Congressmen and Senators in this role – to kill the innocent babies (UAW) while we have the chance.  The King and his friends are excited because they’ve been working on doing this for a long time, and here at last the opportunity falls in their laps.  What a coup.

Interior of corporate jet,

Interior of corporate jet from Belarus-based designer Alex Nakobo

And the Three Kings?  Well, they’re not exactly unhappy to see the whole problem dumped on the innocent babies (UAW) because they’ve been a pain in their collective asses as well.  So the Three Kings of Detroit make their arrogant appearance before the manger (Congress) without even dropping off a few gifts this time.  In fact, they act as though they in no way have done anything wrong.  That’s some crust.  And they jump aboard their private, luxury corporate jets and go back to the scene of the crime telling the innocent babies, “Well, we did what we could.  You are going to have to give up some more of your benefits, because we’re sure not.”

christmas-decorNow, there is the faintest hope for a happier ending here than came out of the first version.  We could hope that the Three Kings arrive back in Detroit to find that they have been deposed by their more forward-looking children and are sent into corporate exile without golden parachutes.  Not likely, but one can always hope.  And as for the evil King, well, his time does expire and his young, confident son, let’s call him Barack Obama, comes to the throne and stops the killing of the innocents by using his newly-assembled army, the newly-elected Congress.  This much of the story we can expect to fulfill itself.  Thank God.

A solar panel for your car?

A solar panel for your car?

As for the innocent babies, well, after enduring and surviving a dismal holiday season, they find themselves in a happier time where they can begin to flourish under the new Kings of Detroit who are looking to modern technology as the pathway to the future.  All’s well that ends well.

three-kings-dancingAnyway, please accept these humble musings of an old man who just can’t seem to escape this story because the media keeps it front and center.  I really wanted to write about something different today, but the Three Kings kept dancing in my head this morning and all I could do was to exorcise them onto my blog.  I promise that tomorrow I will move on to something different, even if it kills me.  You know, something like the continuing saga of the Hillary for Secretary of State drama.  I really do have something more to say about that, but I needed to banish the demons of Detroit first.  Mea culpa!



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