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Governors Gone Wild!

9 December 2008

breaking-newsYou know, you just can’t make this stuff up!  Sometimes these postings just write themselves.  Today’s post is one of those.  After slogging my way via the barely adequate Houston Metro bus system down to the VA Hospital this morning and back, I returned home not at all in the mood to write today.  But Mrs. Jack greeted me – that would be the snarling, hungry me – at the door with the news of the day, and some news it was.  As it unfolded on cable news, it brought to mind only one thing.

girls-gone-wildIf you’ve ever been caught in the midst of insomnia, a rare but real thing for me, you have been pelted with the ridiculous ads for “Girls Gone Wild!”  They’ve even got some called “Boys Gone Wild!”  Now, these things appear to be videos taken of drunken young ladies – is “ladies” the right word? – and men willing to put on a little strip show for the video cameras, and I assume some cash.  Now, I don’t really know how far these videos go because of two good reasons that have nothing to do with some sort of moral code.  The first reason is that they want $29.95 plus S&H, which seems too expensive for me, and before I can commit to that extravagance in my budget, I always end up falling asleep quickly when the boring shows that run in the middle of the night resume.  I guess that means that late-night television actually is a cure for insomnia.  I’ll leave it to you to judge me for remaining awake during the “Gone Wild” commercials.  I’m taking the Fifth on that one.

Assistant US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald

Assistant US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald

Anyway, I couldn’t help but think of those adverts when Assistant US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, stood before the microphone ripping yet another bandage off another political wound, exposing it for all to see.  You may remember him from the Scooter Libby/Valerie Plame case where he was not able to pierce the veil of secrecy surrounding Vice President Dick Cheney and Karl Rove,

Gov. Rod Blagojevich

Gov. Rod Blagojevich

but brought the investigation close enough that there was little doubt about their involvement in any thinking person’s mind.  Anyway, Fitzgerald has now brought us another episode in my newest political fantasy feature, “Governors Gone Wild.”  It seems that Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-Illinois) has been a very busy crook lately and full of hubris.  To top off all that has been learned about him in a three-year investigation that he knew about, he has now been caught

Jim McGreevy and ex-wife Dina Matos

Jim McGreevy and ex-wife Dina Matos

SELLING Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat because he is the only person in the world who gets to decide the appointment. Now, via this exciting videotape, he joins the rogue’s gallery including Governor James McGreevy (D-New Jersey), who hired his secret gay lover to be the state’s Homeland Security Director, thus pulling himself out of the closet.  OUCH!  And

Eliot Spitzer

Eliot Spitzer

there stood his sweet little wife at his side, like so many other sweet little political wives – can you say Laura Bush – as he admitted the whole thing.  And how can we forget that tough-guy Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, who got outed by his call girl.  Oops!  Aren’t they supposed to keep those dirty little secrets?  In the age of 24 hour cable news and desire on the part of everyone to cash in on their own 15 minutes of fame, the answer to that question is no!

Gov. Sarah Palin

Gov. Sarah Palin

And don’t think that we only have dishonest men in this video.  We’ve got our own little gal gone wild, Sarah Palin.  You Betcha!  Governor Palin (R-Alaska) still hasn’t owned up to abusing the power of her gubernatorial office by trying to get her ex-brother-in-law fired, and then firing the SOB who wouldn’t play along.  That’s right!  Even after a heavily Republican State Legislative Committee found that she did abuse her power, the hubristic Vice-Presidential candidate thanked them for clearing her name.  Yeah, that’s a Governor gone way wild.  Of course all those moralistic right wing nuts are waiting with bated breath for her 2012 run for the Presidency so that honor and integrity will be restored to Washington.

David Vitter

Sen. David Vitter

And if you order Governors Gone Wild in the next ten minutes, we have a bonus for you.  That’s right, you’ll get Politicians Gone Wild for just the small shipping and handling fee.  In this stunning companion video we will show you the moving confession and repentance of Senator David Vitter (R-Louisiana) for cheating on his wife with prostitutes.  Of course, he barely made the cut

Larry Craig

Sen. Larry Craig

here because his Republican friends in the US Senate forgave him and helped him get re-elected.  You’ll also see the exciting denial of Senator Larry “The Tap Dancer” Craig (R-Idaho) to the charges that he was attempting to hook up with an undercover police officer in the Minneapolis Airport for a little homosexual slap and tickle.  Not only does the tape contain his denial of the act itself, it contains the bonus footage of Lawyer Craig asserting that he didn’t know what he was doing when he pled guilty to the crime.  In one last bonus feature you will see the Minnesota Appellate Court’s denial of Craig’s appeal today.

Mark Foley

Mark Foley

Not to be overshadowed in the special “Republican Congressmen gone wild in a gay way department”, we add e-mail messages sent by Congressman Mark Foley (R-Florida) to under-age male Congressional Pages.  Included is the latest video statement by Foley where he asserts that he isn’t a pedophile

Tim Mahoney

Tim Mahoney

because he only sent e-mails and “never touched those boys.”  And no collection would be complete without the confession of Foley’s Democrat successor, Tim Mahoney, who announced just prior to the election that he had, indeed, been cheating on his good little wife.  OMG!  Another one bites the dust.  I hope his Republican successor is a great deal more chaste or at least more careful.  It seems that that seat has a hex on it.

santa-secretIn this post-Watergate, post-Monica-gate period, what could make a better Christmas present for that special person on your list?  Or, of course, you could just let it be one of those “secret Santa” gifts to surprise someone at that horrible office party you have to go to this year.  What fun you’ll have when that comes slithering out from under the company Christmas tree.  Perhaps you just want to buy it for yourself to add to your dirty little secret collection you stash high up in the closet where the children can’t find it.  Who would know?

Call now!

Call now!

There’s only one way to get “Governors Gone Wild!”  Just send $29.95 plus $10.95 shipping and handling to “Governors Gone Wild” at the address below or call toll free at 1-800-POLITICIANS-SUCK.  Call in the next ten minutes and we’ll include that free copy of “Politicians Gone Wild” for just $10.95 in additional shipping and handling.  Don’t put it off.  Call today, or you might fall asleep and forget.

This blog brought to you by: “Governors Gone Wild!”


9 Comments leave one →
  1. 9 December 2008 5:22 pm

    Just Because Corruption is Illegal don’t make it unpopular.

    • Left-Eyed Jack permalink*
      9 December 2008 6:16 pm

      TO: Loomisnews,

      Sounds a lot like Texas. Our Governor, Rick Perry, — whose hair looks a lot like Governor Blogojovich’s locks — sold a bunch of tollways in our state, and we don’t have anybody in our branch of the US Justice Department particularly interested in investigating the whole mess although many citizen groups on both sides of the political spectrum have been crying out for one. Unfortunately, even if it is unpopular, it goes unpunished if a Republican is behind it in Texas. After all our former Governor, George W. Bush, still runs the Justice Department for a few more weeks.

      Look out, Governor Perry, maybe they’re coming to take you away!

      Thanks for the comment and the link to your site with its historical account of corruption in Illinois. I urge my readers to go there and get an education.

  2. 9 December 2008 9:18 pm


    I have to say that this really cracked me up. Brilliant….. just brilliant and everything that they all deserve.

    I happened to have been in a sort of front row seat during the NJ McGreevy debacle. Through my retail business I ended up being part of the NJ Governor’s Mansion renovation and I ended up being the one to decorate the McGreevy’s daugher’s nursery. I actually became quite close to Dina McGreevy through our personal meetings during the whole renovation process. You could not find a more decent and warm human being. But I always saw an underlying sadness in her whenever we spoke about family and such. You could see that she was pretending. She became the perfect political wife for yet another underhanded and self serving politician.

    When she was finally finished with the a$$hole and finally wrote her book about it, I showed up at one of her book signings and I was shocked when she actually got up from behind the table, remembering me, to embrace me and thank me for remembering her. WOW! I guess I was right. She was and remains a class act. I do my best whenever the subject of them comes up to clear her name and let the word out that she was so much the victim of the narcissistic tendencies that so many of these sleazy politicians have. I continue to shake my head in amazement at how stupid yet cocky some of these guys can be.

    • Left-Eyed Jack permalink*
      10 December 2008 6:23 pm

      To: Willpen,

      Thanks for the personal report on Dina McGreevy. I guess I was a little harsh. What else could she do? I hereby offer an apology to her.

      As for the rest of these sleazy pols that seem to abound, I hope they all get exposed irregardless of their party affiliation. It’s long past time for the citizens of this nation to demand the return of our democracy. The only way to do so is to become active and stay that way. A lazy electorate leads to a government without boundaries.


  3. Canuck for Truth permalink
    10 December 2008 2:35 am

    Jack, your writing is so good. I am a “young’un” though I have a 148 I.Q. (whatever that’s good for). Everything you write makes sense. I’d like to read your take on Sarah Palin. She offends me b/c she’s “illiterati” (thanks to AKM from for that term) and because she’s a liar and a fraud. It is beyond my comprehension why her husband’s participation in a de-facto terrorist organization (Alaskan Independence Party) did not “make the news”. In any event, thanks to you and Mrs. Jack for your blog. I look forward to your next post.

    • Left-Eyed Jack permalink*
      10 December 2008 6:17 pm

      TO: Canuck for Truth,

      Thanks for the compliment on my writing. I enjoy doing it. As for the infamous Sarah Palin, you are right to be offended because she is offensive in every single way. If you will take a trip through my archived articles since she blew in from Alaska you’ll see just how much I truly despise her and what she stands for. She’s a fraud!

      As for The First Dude’s membership in the Alaskan Independence Party, I’m sure that many of those idiots who LOVE her, think that there’s nothing wrong with a little secessionist talk, after all they live in the Old Confederate States of America. They are REALLY patriotic, aren’t they? Let’s all sing Dixie and wave a flag, shall we — that’s the “Stars and Bars,” son!

  4. 10 December 2008 1:09 pm

    yessss, privatization, how nice… get gov’t out of involvement in public goods… works so well w/ the banks and the auto companies

    Mayor Daley of Chicago, touted as a good gov mayor, sold the tollway he had control of to a German firm a few years ago in order to insure drivers will be paying tolls ad infinitum. He did it to get a one time cash infusion into his city budget.

    The highway system in Wisconsin and Illinois were both built on tolls, both stipulating they’d end them when they were paid for. Wisconsin ended tolls decades ago. Creative accounting allows the Illinois Tollway Commission to grow & grow & continue forever, old style & pinstripe patronage abounds.

    I’m surprised Blago ain’t sold them off to get a 1% kickback from the billions they’d produce. But then, the Illinois Tollway Commission is actually a law unto itself.

    • Left-Eyed Jack permalink*
      10 December 2008 6:08 pm

      TO: Loomisnews,

      Yeah! Tollroads suck! In Oklahoma where I grew up they built toll roads everywhere we needed a better highway with the promise that they would become free roads once they were paid for. The last time I checked, people in Oklahoma are still waiting.

      Now, Governor Rick Perry of Texas is not only selling tollroads in our state to Spain, he’s also trying to sell them to us as a good thing because they will take the trucks off the interstates leaving them for the rest of us. The Republican Pols down here in one-party Texas think we’re stupid. Maybe they’re right. The majority of the Bubbas and their “little wimmin” down here keep on electing them no matter how outrageous they are.

      HELP! We need a change in Texas!


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